Obese Police

Posted: May 21, 2012 in Random Daily Musings
Tags: , , , , , , , ,


Now, dont get me wrong, I love my food, I could eat for Queen and country through sheer, gluttonous enjoyment but IF, health-issues aside (and Im thinking hypothetically here) my job depended on my physical form and fitness being in tip-top condition for the protection of my country and all its inhabitants (say, for example, I was a policeman/woman/person/dont even get me started on political correctness) surely, SURELY it would be imperative, neigh, obligatory, that my body shape did not mirror a barrel.

Before you begin waving your fists and bellowing accustory cries of ‘Fattist!’ dear reader, allow me a moment to explain. Policemen (and I include women, transsexuals and transgenders throughout this, just so we are clear) are there to ‘Serve and Protect’ which may include, but would not be limited to, manhandling unruly criminals and jumping fences two feet at a time when giving chase at high speed (always wanted to do that.) This would therefore imply that these Warriors of Criminal Prevention may, at various points throughout their day, be required to run, sprint, jog, hop, jump, crouch, manhandle, bend, cuff etc etc and this would no doubt require a compentent vessel in which to execute those actions.

Just the other day, whilst meandering my way to the train station, I observed what can only be described as a creature of extraordinary proportions, with thighs so enormous that pressing his feet together would have seemed an impossible challenge and a gut so rotund that his uniform was gasping in an attempt to escape. With his Police hat perched precariously upon his bulbous head, he stood, quite happily, scoffing a croissant.

At this point the child and mischief maker in me was rubbing her hands with glee. It would have taken a matter of seconds to waltz toward this Officer of the Law, knock his already teetering bonnet from his bonce, steal his croissant from his chubby mitts and skip off into the distance at a leisurely rate singing ‘Catch Me If You Can’ at the top of my lungs. You may laugh at this image (I still do) but it is tinged with sadness.

What if, by way of example, a young mother, laden with shopping, handbags, pushchairs and crying children swinging from her skirts had the mistfortune of having her purse stolen from her person by some foul human being? And if, by some miracle, our roly-poly Policeman happened to be in the vicinty, would he be able to come to her rescue, as is his duty? I think not and this is what upsets me.

I have no issue with those who wish to gorge themselves into obesity, each to their own, but I take great offence to the notion of a Fat Policeman. Just as our incredible Military Forces keep themselves in peak physical condition in order to protect and serve, should’nt our Police Force strive to do the same?

Rant over. Im now running for office as Prime Minister.


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