Life Is The Greatest Muse…

Posted: July 1, 2012 in Random Daily Musings
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

What follows are some small extractions from my brain. Brain farts, you might like to call them. Some ideas I’ve stolen because I like them.

Whoever came up with the idea of drinking a boiling cup of tea on a sweltering day was a lying barsted.

Some people were dropped on their heads as children. I think it’s quite clear for all and sundry that I was thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall and fell out the window.

Nothing quite like having a good chat to oneself in the loo….only to suddenly discover you’re not alone…

Must remember, do not make eye-contact when eating a banana. Ahem.

Attention over-sized brolly possessors; please refrain from tucking said implement under the armpit in crowded areas; you may be in danger of spearing some poor lady in the hoo-ha should you suddenly come to an abrupt halt.

It appears that I’m probably the only person who can padlock her bike, clothing, earphones and

gym bag to a pipe in one foul swoop. In other words, I’m a genius.

‘Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be utterly ridiculous than absolutely boring.’ Anon

I really need to turn off my automatic ‘BLESS YOU’ offering to random, sneezing strangers; they often dont seem to know how to respond.

Overheard an exquisite conversation today which went a little something like this; ‘What I ORDERED was a tall, skinny Americano but what I actually RECEIVED was a tall, skinny almond latte. Can…..you….IMAGINE?’ Someone please call ‘Made In Chelsea,’ one of their bints has escaped.

Rather perturbed after not only spending the majority of this mornings commute with a penis pressed into my buttocks, but moreover that the attached male did nothing to remove it when I turned round with the glare of DEATH but THEN decided to follow me from the carriage, introduce himself as ‘Pedro’ and ask whether we could ‘chat’ for a moment….as if we hadn’t already been ‘introduced.’

Well-behaved women rarely make history.

I simply adore sitting next to a fellow commuter who is in the process of playing a solo

game of ‘pick it, lick it, roll it, flick it.’

I’m always comforted by the sight of other people who also wander around the supermarket muttering to themselves whilst dressed in their pyjama’s and carpet slippers.

There is nothing quite like being surrounded by a collection of grown men who still hide each others clothes, take the batteries out of each others watches and dissolve into fits of uncontrollable giggles when drawing enormous, spurting peni on the walls.

Just been contacted by a lovely young man who goes by the name of Abdelkader Khamis who has an exciting and lucrative business proposal…..namely the legal transfer of £22.5 million dollars into my account after which ‘we will share the ratio.’ The utmost discretion and a positive response is required. How exciting; seems totally legit.

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Comments
  1. Yianni Vrettos says:

    So true!!!! Always always always be Batman!!!!!

  2. Sharine says:

    Very creative writing, Iove the quotes you used. 🙂 “‘Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be utterly ridiculous than absolutely boring.’ Anon” ❤
    But stay strong with saying "bless you" I have received the weird reaction a time or two but I will say it forever, it has become a reflex!

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