The ‘Modern Woman’ Box

Posted: July 6, 2012 in Random Daily Musings
Tags: , , , , , , ,

It has come to my attention of late that the general public have an obsession with boxes. Each person and their relevant situation must fit nicely into a box of some description for the ease of comprehension and the sanity of others.

Following numerous discussions with friends and colleagues, it appears that my current position in life causes great alarm and horror. The conversations often go a little something like this;

‘Pia, are you married?’


‘Do you have a boyfriend?’


‘Why not?!’

‘I don’t want one.’

‘What, why?! Don’t you feel alone? Don’t you want to get married? What about babies? You’re getting on y’know, tick-tock, tick-tock, you need to start thinking about settling down.’

Unfortunately, the idea of the modern woman who doesn’t quite fit into a box labelled ‘Married,’ ‘In a Relationship,’ ‘Single and Lonely,’ ‘It’s Complicated’ or ‘Waiting for Mr. Right,’ confuses people to the point of no return. No, I am not in a relationship, no, I am not waiting for the right person to come along and no, I’m not lonely or worried about it.

When expressing the idea that marriage has been removed from my ‘to do’ list or the fact that I do not consider reproducing an urgent task, I am greeted with faces of  shock and disbelief. Surely, a womans whole existence and reason for living is to become a wife and pop out a few kids?! No, dear reader, I do not believe this is so.

Love and marriage do not necessarily go together like a horse and carriage. I fully believe it is entirely possible to love someone wholly and completely without having to place a ring on their finger and repeat a collection of promises infront of a gathering of bored and thirsty guests. Nor do I consider a woman to be unfulfilled if she has not made full use of her reproductive organs. Gasp. I know, I’m well and truly on the outside of these damn boxes.

This problem also appears to apply to sexuality. The ‘Gay’ and ‘Lesbian’ boxes have been burst open with numerous fabulous people having either sat themselves inside or been placed in there by others. However, what if a person is neither one way or the other? What if they don’t fit quite so neatly into either box but are, in fact, attracted to both sexes?

‘But, surely, you must like one more than the other?’

‘No, not necessarily.’

‘But, you will inevitably swing towards one sex in the end?’

‘No, not necessarily.’

‘But how can you like both men and women?’

‘Because people do. Now shush.’

Discussing this idea with a friend of mine who would consider herself ‘Gay,’ opened numerous cans of wriggly things. Should she stumble upon a man of exquisate proportions who satisfied her every sordid whim and was a truly perfect match, would she refuse his attractive advances simply because she is in the ‘Gay’ box? No. Unfortunately, that hypothetical situation causes severe confusion, head scratching and comments of ‘But, you’re gay?!’

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m all for labelling. Notebooks, admin folders and tupperware are high on my list. I even possess a labelling machine and often go as far as to underline, highlight and colour co-ordinate. But I draw the line at labelling a person. As far as I am concerned, it makes no difference which way a person swings,  which religion they follow, who they choose to vote for or how they wear their socks; a friend is just a friend.

How we spend our time on this planet and who we spend it with is a personal choice. We do not need to place each other inside a box, label it and place it on a certain shelf simply because that makes it easier for us to comprehend. Whether we fall in love with man, woman, plastic doll or all of the above, the choice is ours. Should we choose to remain unmarried, celibate or a rampant nymphomaniac forever after, it is nobodys business but our own, it does not change who we are.

It’s time to unpack these boxes folks;  the contents are neither fragile and or simply this way up.

  1. Great blog! I’ve always found it funny how humans like to label people and put them into boxes Strange creatures aren’t we 🙂

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